| Pictures of You |
Update
June 2009
To whom it may concern,
Verklemp: choked with emotion (German verklemmt = emotionally inhibited in a convulsive way).
Most of you who know me well know that I feel “life” pretty damn intensely and I can’t help but wear my feelings on
my sleeve (perhaps my next tattoo should be a sleeve of ink that best express my feelings…hmmmm maybe each
arm?). Regardless, feelings…good or bad…INTENSE! I don’t know any other way. Sometimes it goes with the
outfit and sometimes not so well but it’s just a part of who I am.
These past few months have been sort of an emotional roller coaster for me just trying to figure out where one
chapter ends and a new one begins. A lot of pretty big changes and transitioning I’ve had no control over. The
one I’d gotten comfortably in the habit of sharing these feelings with is on his own personal journey that doesn’t
include me at this time. I placed so much more expectation than I realized for my own needs that I wasn’t all the
time listening to his (hence the unbalanced state). His absence now comes quite unexpectedly and is sorely
missed in every way imaginable (feels like I lost my best friend to a tragic death).
I realize we’re all on our own personal journey’s and dreams to live and I of all people understand the need in
taking that time to discover what those are.
First off I’m for absolute certain what I discovered last year (July 2009 on my last trip to Austin ) to be the very
thing I always ONLY dreamt of having with one special person. It’s the closest thing I got to experience to be the
greatest ever to both friendship and romance all at the same time. I’m pinching myself…
My heart succumbs (CRASH) to the superior strength and overpowering appeal of the LOVE being given with
little resistance even though most of it happened approx. 4000 miles apart ((journey and dreams in sync )…
I think he’d agree that this one word probably sums it up best…”Magical” (a series of beautiful experiences we
shared together). It’s a little hard for me to grasp sometimes thinking I dreamt this one up all on my own now that
we’re not in communication and I wonder if he’d remember it like this too. Through all the insecurities that have
managed to emerge in my own transitioning it’s the one most important thing I feel the need to know.
It’s in my nature to stand up for what I believe in so yeah, I don’t give up so easily I think he knows now…feeling
cheated in some ways for only having barely scratched the surface of so many things we only talked about doing
(to name a few…haven’t shared a Santorini sunset, karaoke or his key lime pie).
I wasn’t finished by any means, though I didn’t always feel ready either.
I however was inspired to write many new poems, I was serenaded at the hot tub, we shared in a passionate New
Year’s kiss, a birthday trip to Paris and so many more firsts that no one can ever take away from me. These I
hold precious to my heart for always and amount of time with him…is a time I’m glad to have had. It’s enriched my
personal journey in ways that are forever lasting.
The thing I’m having the most difficulty with and what hurts me the most about it is when you love and care about
someone and desire to be in their life and they’re…
…4000 miles away!
I’m tired of using technology...I need you right in front of me (though we had hours and hours of some great
Skyping)!
If only to say thanks for the love you gave me (oh yeah and the laughs and the music and Currywurst too)
because I’m for pretty certain all that was real (even if I am a dreamer and the biggest sappiest romantic you’ll
ever know)!
Matters of the heart I just can’t get away from even if I try…so instead I go thru the motions surrounded by the
love of so many friends…thank you all (I feel like I should be walking away with a grammy now)…you’ve also seen
me at my best and at my worst!
and as the song goes, “if you can’t be with the one you love…love the one you’re with”.
Peter will agree our cosmic visitors Sara and Anna passing thru kept us busy the last few days doodlin’ and stuff
(those pictures speak for themselves I think) as do Queen’s Day and various other good times with good peeps
captured on the photographs taken and chosen for this update!
Now I catch my breath and prepare for my state side visit next week for a month (Texas) with no immediate plans
as they have changed from the original but “there” all the same, for a healthy dose of good friends, a pitcher of
good margaritas and many meals of real Tex-Mex that I don’t have to doctor up (and Hoover’s home Southern
cooking).
Maybe we’ll get my head out of my ass long enough to get this adventurer with “new perspective” on his life and
back on track to something (and in the process of healing and keeping a somewhat low profile this trip
across…very open to making some new great memories while I find a place for the old ones)!
I’m at the same Austin mobile number (should be working 16 of June thru 16 of July) and depending on everyone
else’s internet (dial up @ my moms) for email so…be in touch! Take time to enjoy the music selections and
video/pics and always EXPECT the UNEXPECTED!
Much Peace and Love,
Jes
P.S. one of my oldest and dearest friends, Duane is looking for a responsible room mate immediately. She’s due
for a good room mate so I thought I’d pass that energy along on here if you know anyone looking PLEASE
contact her directly.
2br/2 bath/1 garage/available storage/850 sq feet/hardwood floors in common area, swimming pool, gym, ground
floor, wood view, gated community. Rent $415.00/month w/shared cost of electricity, water, cable/internet, the
utilities run about 100.00 a month. More in the summer of course!
I am 44 y/o female with 1 small, house trained, well behaved dog. I am a clean, responsible, spiritual individual
who is alcohol/drug free, with a full time job M-F/ 8a-5p. I have my own reliable transportation. I am looking for the
same in a room mate. I smoke- but, I will be glad to take it outside for the right room mate. I am actually trying to
quit! I am very quiet.... and lead a what some would consider a semi- boring life.....no parties, no endless string of
guests or lovers, no loud music, etc. I am very devoted to my career. To me, home is a refuge and at the end of a
long work day, it is a place to rest and rejuvenate... so you can go out and do it again!
I do keep a clean house... but, I am not clean freak. I am also looking for just one room mate. No commune here!
A little more about me......
I enjoy music, art, philosophy, science, physics, ancient history, reading, movies, and on occasion you will find me
doing some beading or painting. I am not really talented, but I will take an art class just for fun! I do have a
spiritual path.... but, I am not a bible thumper by any means, in fact, I enjoy studying different faiths and hopefully
I am gleaning the universal truths from them. Some might consider me pagan! I also enjoy having conversations
that have depth to them. I am very devoted to my animal. Her name is Taz and she is spoiled rotten!
Criteria for move in includes an agreement that neither party brings their friends or family home to live, no
drug/alcohol abuse, bills paid on time. No deposit is required with this agreement. Room is unfurnished and is
available. Call 512-689-3411. Pix on request. Good luck to you in your search for refuge!
June 2009
To whom it may concern,
Verklemp: choked with emotion (German verklemmt = emotionally inhibited in a convulsive way).
Most of you who know me well know that I feel “life” pretty damn intensely and I can’t help but wear my feelings on
my sleeve (perhaps my next tattoo should be a sleeve of ink that best express my feelings…hmmmm maybe each
arm?). Regardless, feelings…good or bad…INTENSE! I don’t know any other way. Sometimes it goes with the
outfit and sometimes not so well but it’s just a part of who I am.
These past few months have been sort of an emotional roller coaster for me just trying to figure out where one
chapter ends and a new one begins. A lot of pretty big changes and transitioning I’ve had no control over. The
one I’d gotten comfortably in the habit of sharing these feelings with is on his own personal journey that doesn’t
include me at this time. I placed so much more expectation than I realized for my own needs that I wasn’t all the
time listening to his (hence the unbalanced state). His absence now comes quite unexpectedly and is sorely
missed in every way imaginable (feels like I lost my best friend to a tragic death).
I realize we’re all on our own personal journey’s and dreams to live and I of all people understand the need in
taking that time to discover what those are.
First off I’m for absolute certain what I discovered last year (July 2009 on my last trip to Austin ) to be the very
thing I always ONLY dreamt of having with one special person. It’s the closest thing I got to experience to be the
greatest ever to both friendship and romance all at the same time. I’m pinching myself…
My heart succumbs (CRASH) to the superior strength and overpowering appeal of the LOVE being given with
little resistance even though most of it happened approx. 4000 miles apart ((journey and dreams in sync )…
I think he’d agree that this one word probably sums it up best…”Magical” (a series of beautiful experiences we
shared together). It’s a little hard for me to grasp sometimes thinking I dreamt this one up all on my own now that
we’re not in communication and I wonder if he’d remember it like this too. Through all the insecurities that have
managed to emerge in my own transitioning it’s the one most important thing I feel the need to know.
It’s in my nature to stand up for what I believe in so yeah, I don’t give up so easily I think he knows now…feeling
cheated in some ways for only having barely scratched the surface of so many things we only talked about doing
(to name a few…haven’t shared a Santorini sunset, karaoke or his key lime pie).
I wasn’t finished by any means, though I didn’t always feel ready either.
I however was inspired to write many new poems, I was serenaded at the hot tub, we shared in a passionate New
Year’s kiss, a birthday trip to Paris and so many more firsts that no one can ever take away from me. These I
hold precious to my heart for always and amount of time with him…is a time I’m glad to have had. It’s enriched my
personal journey in ways that are forever lasting.
The thing I’m having the most difficulty with and what hurts me the most about it is when you love and care about
someone and desire to be in their life and they’re…
…4000 miles away!
I’m tired of using technology...I need you right in front of me (though we had hours and hours of some great
Skyping)!
If only to say thanks for the love you gave me (oh yeah and the laughs and the music and Currywurst too)
because I’m for pretty certain all that was real (even if I am a dreamer and the biggest sappiest romantic you’ll
ever know)!
Matters of the heart I just can’t get away from even if I try…so instead I go thru the motions surrounded by the
love of so many friends…thank you all (I feel like I should be walking away with a grammy now)…you’ve also seen
me at my best and at my worst!
and as the song goes, “if you can’t be with the one you love…love the one you’re with”.
Peter will agree our cosmic visitors Sara and Anna passing thru kept us busy the last few days doodlin’ and stuff
(those pictures speak for themselves I think) as do Queen’s Day and various other good times with good peeps
captured on the photographs taken and chosen for this update!
Now I catch my breath and prepare for my state side visit next week for a month (Texas) with no immediate plans
as they have changed from the original but “there” all the same, for a healthy dose of good friends, a pitcher of
good margaritas and many meals of real Tex-Mex that I don’t have to doctor up (and Hoover’s home Southern
cooking).
Maybe we’ll get my head out of my ass long enough to get this adventurer with “new perspective” on his life and
back on track to something (and in the process of healing and keeping a somewhat low profile this trip
across…very open to making some new great memories while I find a place for the old ones)!
I’m at the same Austin mobile number (should be working 16 of June thru 16 of July) and depending on everyone
else’s internet (dial up @ my moms) for email so…be in touch! Take time to enjoy the music selections and
video/pics and always EXPECT the UNEXPECTED!
Much Peace and Love,
Jes
P.S. one of my oldest and dearest friends, Duane is looking for a responsible room mate immediately. She’s due
for a good room mate so I thought I’d pass that energy along on here if you know anyone looking PLEASE
contact her directly.
2br/2 bath/1 garage/available storage/850 sq feet/hardwood floors in common area, swimming pool, gym, ground
floor, wood view, gated community. Rent $415.00/month w/shared cost of electricity, water, cable/internet, the
utilities run about 100.00 a month. More in the summer of course!
I am 44 y/o female with 1 small, house trained, well behaved dog. I am a clean, responsible, spiritual individual
who is alcohol/drug free, with a full time job M-F/ 8a-5p. I have my own reliable transportation. I am looking for the
same in a room mate. I smoke- but, I will be glad to take it outside for the right room mate. I am actually trying to
quit! I am very quiet.... and lead a what some would consider a semi- boring life.....no parties, no endless string of
guests or lovers, no loud music, etc. I am very devoted to my career. To me, home is a refuge and at the end of a
long work day, it is a place to rest and rejuvenate... so you can go out and do it again!
I do keep a clean house... but, I am not clean freak. I am also looking for just one room mate. No commune here!
A little more about me......
I enjoy music, art, philosophy, science, physics, ancient history, reading, movies, and on occasion you will find me
doing some beading or painting. I am not really talented, but I will take an art class just for fun! I do have a
spiritual path.... but, I am not a bible thumper by any means, in fact, I enjoy studying different faiths and hopefully
I am gleaning the universal truths from them. Some might consider me pagan! I also enjoy having conversations
that have depth to them. I am very devoted to my animal. Her name is Taz and she is spoiled rotten!
Criteria for move in includes an agreement that neither party brings their friends or family home to live, no
drug/alcohol abuse, bills paid on time. No deposit is required with this agreement. Room is unfurnished and is
available. Call 512-689-3411. Pix on request. Good luck to you in your search for refuge!
